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10.02.2006 - 01:41 I was cleaning up at the butcher show today, as my profession dictates. The past few days, a girl in the produce department named [Kendall] - who, before Monday, never really regarded me any more than some sort of workplace acquaintance, someone that knows and works with friends of hers - has been hitting on me. Being overtly flirty, talking shit, giving me the eye...all earmarks of hitting on someone. As far as I can tell, she's seeing - well, "fucking" - some guy in my meat department. She has been since I started working there in September and, from what I can gather, still is. Now, if there's ever a lesson that I've learned in any subject it can be summed up with the quaint maxim, "Never rob another man's rhubarb." Of course, I'm not anywhere near the headspace to have a hook-up with anyone, and truth be told, I'm not the kind of guy that likes that sort of thing anyway, but today, the idea of flirting back and escalating this with [Kendall] seemed not only stupid, but repulsive. Two of the guys in my department were witnesses to her flirting on me this evening while I was cleaning. One of the gentlemen happens to be a good friend of the guy that's dating [Kendall]. He said something to the effect that he should just openly ask her to be exclusive with him and this kind of thing - the rampant flirting - wouldn't happen. The other guy, Todd, said, off the cuff, "Hey, why would he date her? He's getting the good part in any relationship already." I looked at him, aghast. Not only is Todd the last man I would've suspected of such a permanent-bachelor-type of remark, but the fact that he said it so dismissively like an afterthought made it have that much more conviction and weight. "Todd, are you fucking serious, man?" I said. "Yeah, yeah I am. Every time I've had a person I was having regular sex with around my life, I was happy that it was just that. That's all I want out of a woman, really. " And the kicker: "There's nothing other than sex that I would want from a girlfriend that I can't get from my friends." Still stunned, I managed to say, "Yeah, but don't you miss shit like hand holding and having a confidant?" Todd reeled in disgust as if I had just showed him the inside of my anal wall. "No," he twitched out of his mouth. As if I were the lunatic. Maybe I am. I think, perhaps, I'm the last human being on the planet that wants a meaningful, monogamous relationship. I'm a relic. A zoological marvel. Wanting to have just one person has never made me feel more alone. P.S.: Also, Todd looks like my ex-girlfriend from high school. No, not the crazy one. Or the semi-professinal snowboarder. The other one.I don't know why that's important. Maybe it's meant to discredit him, but I think the thing that discredits him the most is his fucking crazy-ass point of view.
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